MY SELF-INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

How i missed her so very much. So much that it hurt to watch the scene unfold, hurt to be reminded of something we once had, and what would never be mine again. She was gone, and too far to be seen. While i once would have marked the sunset as beautiful, i now passed over such grandeurs with a grunt and slight annoyance. for each whole day she’d been debating whether or not to just look at my’ past anyway, but a deeper feeling, and my self-made barrier, said that it would be better to move on.

Living from the passed.. trapped beyond it all, in a vertible hell. It seems that my life is over. My imprisonment is forevermore there is no escape.. all I can do sit here and seem shallow sore. Face streamed with tears, always seeming a smile Is nothing but a shadow of my former self. My mind had gone crazy with sadness, an emotion I thought I didn’t possess, and I had fallen to my knees, sobbing. I hadn’t feel that in ages, she had awakened an unknown emotion inside of me, something I had known long before...alone!

rain come to play again..

I stared into the dark sky of cerulean. the watery elusion comforted me in unearthly way. my eyes flamed for a moment as you turned your back and walk. If I smile and don’t believe, maybe soon I know I’ll wake from this nightmare,

hello.

Don’t try to fix me I’m not broken, i knew that there was nothing i could do for now. I just wished i could kiss you one last time.

don't wanna cry.

but i cried for you then, not caring what people thought. i loved you more than anything. still not believing and just stared..and stared.

suddenly i know im not sleeping,

hello?

I’m still here all that’s left of yesterday...

for some reason i am forced to believe a place that is actually not existed in this world. a place called BEND OF TIME..it is an enchanted place where you can use time travel portal, a wormhole that will take you anywhere in time. if only i knew where it was, then ill disperse all the things, thoughts and even my memories i have from my present and cross from time to time wishing ill find myself having you in my life..



...somewhere on my future.

I thought about a lot of things...
like where I was, what I'd got myself into.
I started to feel light-headed... and then, sleepy.

I think I had a dream.
A dream of being alone.
I wanted someone--anyone, beside me...
so I didn't have to feel alone...




..anymore.

I always talked about you. How you were a very special person to me, because you teach me the proper meaning of love. You taught me that life doesn't last forever. That's why we have to help each other and live our life to the fullest.

What to do when I felt lonely...

That was the only thing you couldn't teach me. But we need to figure out the answer for ourselves... I'm so happy I met you... I wish we could've patch things up and be together that day. But I guess we have to say goodbye someday.


Our memories will be part of the sky...

As always, I feel the loss as I'm pulled awake by the usual summons. Every moment seems like forever and I count the minutes until it'll be time to do something else, but whenever sunset approaches, I find it hard to believe the whole day is over. A day just like any other, a wave of frustration hits me.

Hell, my whole life up until now has meant nothing, and it doesn't look like it'll change anytime soon. I've accomplished nothing and benefited no one. The world
hasn't changed at all as a result of my existence.

My life since then is empty. I don't know what it is that's missing - a dream? a memory? - actually, it's like the memory of a dream. I know I've forgotten something, and the vaguest hints of it that I get sometimes are enough to stir my soul.

What I've lost was important to me, precious to the point that living without it
seems pointless. It's totally removed from my life, yet the brief almost-tastes of it I get are more real than reality. At night, in my dreams… whatever it is
keeps calling to me, with its little tantalizing hints. But I've never quite been able to reach it, or even figure out what it is.

Maybe it makes me a bad person, or maybe it's the logical extension of my desire, but I know with sudden clarity that I would give anything in my power to find out what I've lost. I'd give my life if, before I died, I could get back what's been
taken from me.


Then it's like I'm in another world without you.

always keep your words soft and sweet...


..just in case you have to eat them.

I know a girl whose heart is as thin as a bubble that it would vanish right the moment you touch it..her system is like composed of cells and tissues purely made of mixed dim emotions..she keeps a damn of tears inside her that drowns her whole being..she's totally broken..i think she needs a colossal repair, an immediate requisite reformation..


Yes, she's in total doom

Skipping beats,

blushing cheeks,

i am struggling daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner cafe & then im left in bits recovering tectonic trembling you get me every time.








( Qouted from pauxcore )

I stare blankly to space not knowing that i'm about to be eaten by silence. A music with no tone. It hurts my very heart more like it does to my eardrums. It's an invisible army of sadness that attacks even the deepest part of your mind. The moment they get there, they massacre your thoughts with memories that doesn't deny happiness and it kills you slowly in every second you think of them..




because you know those will come you way no more..




(Qouted from pauxcore)

The gorgeous moonlight over the dark cerulean skies shown like the paintings of me in a place that had once upon a time been pure and joyful and the very picture of perfection. Now they were quite, quite dead. My paragon of joy was shattered, crumbled, laying in piles upon piles of rubble, like the corpse of happy man.

The air crackling with opportunity that died bloodily and painfully, i wanted to cry. And they wanted to sob for it.

"CRY NO MORE."


for such regret and emotions shall consume your thoughts as your soul is bleed of what love remains in it!

My sane mine grasped for the comforting folds of insanity. I never wanted to be exactly like perfect. I just want to love myself with abandon, without thinking of all the death. I wanted to be happy, instead of sobbing.


I couldn't. It was impossible. I was too sane for it.


Maybe..



"Too much sanity is insanity of it's own."

What was the start of all this?

When did the cogs of fate begun to turn?

Perhaps it is impossible to grasp the answer now, from deep within the flow of time..

But, for a certainly, back then, we loved so many, yet hated so much, we hurt others and were hurt ourselves..

Yet even then, we ran like the wind, whilst our laughter echoed, under cerulean skies.

The sea never changes does it...?

Its been rolling in and out, like this. Since long before we were born.

Its been here for eternity, it seems..

Its probably seen many things..

heard many things..

It'll probably keep rolling in and out..

Long before after our lifetime... without a single change.

But aren't memories strange? Just when you think that you've forgotten about something, it comes floating back into your heart. I guess it's just lying there in somewhere. waiting for that right moment...

I can still relive the memories of those days long past..
just by closing my eyes, like such and whispering your name into desolate nights. As i close my eyes. I can feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face and the sea beneath my feet, just like happier days.

It may take sometime to get those days back. Just hang on until then.



"After all, if i can do it, so can you."

I have lead a painful life. I learned not to cry. Not at pain physical or emotional. I once slipped over the bridge and fell into a boat, breaking my arms and several ribs and as i laid face first on the floor, breathing w/ such effort and spilling blood from my mouth, from my lungs and lips and face, did not cry at all.

And yet i wanted desperately to cry >.<

Were running. This world of ours is finally beginning to take shape. outlines of what could be mountains, forests, lakes and cities start to shimmer in the distance. the sky is picking up color, and it doesn't take much thinking to see that it'll end up as rich cerulean blue. And us?

Well run like the wind, until the day we die.

I feel almost an obligation to be happy, for her sake, for everyone. But at moments like this, i cant fight the simple fact that I'm not happy. It's ridiculous to pretend everything is right when your constantly fighting back those stirring to somehow escape. I guess i've become a dreamer, and theres nothing to satisfy my dreams.

Why cant i enjoy myself? I think its because reality us is so pale compared to fantasy.

It was an awesome feeling i felt that day when i first saw her eyes. skipping beats, strawberry face and shaky knees whenever she's next to mine. Totally silent for i want only her voice ringing on my ear. Whenever she's around i see no one but only her whole being.

"I always dream of wanting her lips meet mine."

Those memories are somehow the reason why my heart keep beating even those memories died faded by her goodbye.

My world nearly crashed and burned, and still no one knew. I was one of those who fought to save a future, and a reality we knew nothing of. Our journeys were hard, and our battles many. But we accomplished our destiny with flying colors. We defied impossible odds, and powers beyond imagination. i lead by one person, the silent protagonist. And because of her alone, i changed. Even if you didn't notice it.

Now she's gone, and life is normal. We live our lives like we used to, are lips never speaking a word of those days when hell itself seemed to chase after us. The winds are peaceful, the salty breezes caressing the lands like they have a thousand times. The tides still come and the sun still sets in cerulean skies. Same old world.

We've all gone our separate ways, trying to get back into what was once our lives. It was easy for most, but not for me.